29 December 2007

She'll Come Quietly, But Let's Grab Her Anyway

It was the day before school let off for winter break, and since I have to wait awhile (an hour usually) before school starts, I wanted to wait inside. This is fine, as during the first two weeks of December, the school administration lets us inside the first floor of the building.

What was not fine.

It was noisy. There were a number of students crowded in the lobby. I had a computer, an alphasmart, a camcorder, a tripod, a book bag and a purse, three items in each hand. And it was noisy.

It was too difficult to navigate my way outside, as there were so many people, and I was so disoriented that I would've probably dropped the equipment I was carrying (I didn't own the camcorder). So I stayed where I was, shifted myself to an area where not so many people were congregating, and I shut my eyes.

Even this, though, I couldn't concentrate enough effort to keep my stuff up in my hands (it was quite heavy). And I could still hear the unbearably loud noise, but because of the stuff I had to hold, I couldn't clasp my hands over my ears like usual.

So I dropped slowly down to the ground, set the stuff to the floor, and covered my ears.

Next thing I know, the guidance counselor is there in front of me, and while another administrator takes my stuff, she grabs me by my arm, leading me to her office. I fling my arm away, make a sound of anguish, and she grabs me again. I get out of it, and she grabs me again. And again. And again.

Now all this time, I'm fighting myself to not hit her. I keep my eyes closed. I struggle again and again, but also this is through a crowd of my peers. While I don't particularly care about what gets said about me, and there hasn't been any real bullying of me at this high school, I'd hate people to think I'm acting irrationally in not wanting to be led and grabbed by this woman who, while nice, doesn't seem to be getting something.

Except, she says she does. As I struggle to get out of her grasp, she says something along the lines of, "I know, you don't want me touching you." I get out of her grasp. She grabs me again. I get led to the office, which is much quieter and a better place to be, but why all this trouble?

What I don't understand is why was I forced through? I was not banging my head, or showing signs of being angry or aggressive. And during the time I was struggling, I was never running off or inflicting damage to her. I was trying to follow, as I had done before being forcibly picked up and removed.

None of it makes sense to me. I could understand the other counselor, who didn't know beans about responding to a person in distress, let alone anything about autism. But, unless I am drastically mistaken, this particular counselor is very privy to the fact that I am autistic, and I have been in regular contact with her regarding the scheduling of my classes and college preparation.

I'm not sure what I should do, let alone what could I do. I just feel wrong about all this, and have not made any attempt to describe, by writing or otherwise, this to anybody, even though it happened a couple of weeks ago.


Anonymous said...

A suggestion was made on another blog that I thought was pretty good, and it seems applicable to you: your written communication skills seem fine, and it seems like you cover things that could be useful in this blog. Could you point the counsellor toward it and have her read what you have written? It seems that, at the least it could do no harm. It might help.

geosaru said...

Yes, except that she is the counselor who is writing my recommendation for college in the next few weeks.